You’ve made some massive, and deal-breaking assumptions. The biggest is that the topology will be random. This is an absurd topology which has never emerged in any social network of this kind.

1. A hub/spoke network with about 5000 hubs is both a) more decentralized than bitcoin is today and b) only 3 hops per user on the network.
2. There are other off-chain scaling proposals, like MimbleWimble that also add critical privacy layers. Bitcoin doesn’t just need to scale… it needs to *get better*. That means improving privacy as well.